Carry on up the Khyber

PROMISE TO ALL: An embargo on this kind of thing
will be in effect from the 9th of July

The Flying Martinis never do things by halves. In two weeks we are off on a school trip to India with 23 teenagers, a biologist and his wife, a medic (whew! I won’t be having to hold anyone’s hair back while they puke except my own) and a list of stuff we can’t eat without spraying it with Dettol first.

I thought about NOT blogging it and just having a holiday from the Misssives but then I worried I might come out in hives as a result. Two years of blogging and not a single week missed? Surely the crack cocaine would be easier to get out of my system.

And then I remembered why I started the Misssives in the first place. It was to record my travels. I wanted to let my friends and family hear all our holiday/travel stories without having to:

A: Actually speak to them
B: Be arsed to send postcards
C: Clock up international phone charges

I first started to think about writing a diary when I went to Finland with 12 of my own students for two weeks. Instead, I wrote regular emails about the jolly japes of my students’ X-rated sexual activities, the damage done to Scottish-Finnish relations when a fight erupted in a sauna as a result of a lad from Inverness being insecure in his genital size/general sexuality, and the delights of Finnish cuisine.
Apparently my indiscretions at the expense of my students made some of my pals laugh and some emails even got forwarded on with headers like “Anyone know how to contact the British Ambassador to Finland? Misssy needs help” and “I can’t believe she ate Egg Butter*”
Two months later I was off on a school trip to Sri Lanka, so I started a travel blog.
One month after I came back from Sri Lanka I realised that I needed to keep writing even though I didn’t have the excuse of travelling. The fillers in between trips kind of took over, you may have noticed. But even though the Misssives have become a different animal over the two years, I’ve still enjoyed travel blogging my occasional trips to Thailand, Holland and Paris.
So, next month The Misssives go back to their roots and become a travel blog once more. I hope you’ll join me. I promise to keep it in the style you are used to, where people are gently mocked, my children are unfairly quoted and ridiculed, Meeester’s every flaw is exposed for the delight of others and I come out of it all looking like a flipping superhero.

I solemnly make this promise to you: whilst in India I will not go all spiritual and hippy trail on you, I will not sit in the Lotus position even once, I will not adopt a brown baby like Madonna or Jolie, and I will most certainly not ever utter the words,

“This place is magical”.

Even if it is.

*Finnish cuisine can be summed up by the dish “Egg Butter”. Fact: Egg butter is the reason the Russians or the Nazis didn’t invade Finland.

*****************

Meanwhile over on hot new blog (hint hint…) Spontaneous Production, I’m telling people to stay out of the cinema. Click here

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June 24, 2008. children, India, kids, school trips, teenagers, The Flying Martinis, travel, vacation holiday luggage trips baggage, vacations. Leave a comment.

UK has terrorism licked with new discovery!

So just a quick blog. Tomorrow is the day we fly out to Bangkok. We’re going via Dubai, thankfully not Tehran.

So, I’m kind of nearly finished my packing and must report. Earlier this month I raised howls of laughter at the suggestion that I might travel light, particularly from those who witnessed my gargantuan suitcase that I took with me to Finland. Well I’ve done it. The entire Flying Martini’s luggage consists of one largeish rucksack, two small rucksacks, one handbag, one laptop and one child’s rucksack. Ha! Read it and weep!

Just been on to the airport website to see if they are still making us put our makeup (and other liquids) in the hold (12 hours without reapplying lippy! The horror! The horror!) but they have relaxed the restrictions somewhat. You can take a certain amount of liquids but the must be in a Ziplocked bag. That’s all well and good but I discovered this after going to Tesco this morning where I’m sure there was Ziplock galore but unfortunately little Somerfield in the Machar have none.

Improvisation is not an option, the airport site specifically says that only Ziplock bags must be used and I can only conclude from this that a sturdy Ziplock plastic bag is able to contain an explosion, thus minimising the threat to those in the vicinity. Who knew? Surely it’s only a matter of time before the Home Office issues a directive that all people travelling to and from the UK (and indeed within our borders) must themselves be in Ziplocked bags, so as to counteract the threat of the suicide bomber. Genius!

Anyway, what the blazes am I doing on the computer? I’ve still got heaps to do before tommorrow and crucially only 30 minutes til the “Wonderpets” are over on Nickelodeon and Eve starts wanting to “help”.

So the next blog may come from Thailand….

In the words of Russell Brand,

“citing!”

March 30, 2007. airports, excited, flying, holiday, holidays, makeup, packing, security, thailand trips, vacation, vacation holiday luggage trips baggage. 2 comments.

I come with baggage….

I asked for a topic this week and my respondents have suggested a variety of things but I have decided on one. Miss Georgie has asked me to blog on packing for yer holidays and I think since I’m on the cusp of my trip to Thailand that this would be a good idea and would get me in the mood. So here goes…

Last year there was a bomb scare at Heathrow in July and thousands of pieces of luggage were lost as a result. Friends of mine (A and K) were travelling back from New Zealand at that time and to date don’t have their luggage back. Actually, they will never get their luggage back as after six weeks all unclaimed luggage is burnt. Seriously. They put everything in an incinerator! The airport staff don’t even get to rifle through it! (or do they?).

So even though Heathrow have a warehouse full of lost luggage with tags attached, it is too much to ask that they actually sort through it all and sent it back to the rightful owners? Apparently so, it’s much easier just to fling the lot on a bonfire. I’ve stopped asking A about it as he starts to whine like a wounded dog and his eyes well up with tears.

This puts everything into perspective. Never pack anything in your suitcase you can’t live without. In fact there is a lot to be said for not even having a suitcase! I’m serious!

Secondly, if you lose your luggage don’t rely on your travel insurance to foot the bill. Recently my son left his Nintendo on a plane and as soon as we hit the tarmac he realised, but they wouldn’t let us back on the plane to get it, no matter how much we pleaded. When one of the airport staff was dispatched to find it on our behalf, they came back empty handed. We put in an insurance claim complete with a police report as obviously someone had nicked it.

Two weeks later we got a letter back saying that we should have “acted as if we weren’t insured” and we had been negligent and would not be getting our Nintendo replaced. What the blazes is that all about? We didn’t reverse over the flipping thing nonchalantly in a steamroller, or deep fry it for a laugh or try to work it underwater! “Act as if we were uninsured?????” My blood is still boiling. I think I tore at the letter with my teeth growling, I was so angry.

My New Zealand pals have been asked to produce receipts for all items in their suitcases. They can’t- so they will not be getting any money from their insurers. And they call us “Rip Off Britain”…..

So in theory, I’m of the opinion that you should always travel light whenever possible and that you should always have the things you can’t live without in your hand luggage.

So let’s start with hand luggage. Essential items for my lot are:

  1. Cash
  2. Credit card
  3. Phone
  4. Baby wipes
  5. Travel docs
  6. Clean pants
  7. Contact lenses
  8. Glasses
  9. Headscarf
  10. Essential medication
  11. Travel Guide

Take all this stuff and I’m good for twenty four hours. So why can’t I apply this to my every day life? For example, you should see the state of my handbag. This is what’s actually in my handbag right now:

  1. £6.89 and a twenty cent trinidadian cent coin
  2. Credit card
  3. Debit card
  4. Photos
  5. Phone
  6. Two packs of paper hankies
  7. Heaps of makeup in a makeup bag
  8. Three emergency fallback lipsticks
  9. Copy of Grazia
  10. “Suite Francais” by Irene Nemerovsky
  11. The kittens’ identity chip registrations
  12. A toothbrush
  13. A plastic bangle that Eve got free from a Barbie magazine
  14. Five biros (one leaking)
  15. An exploded blusher that has coloured everything pinky brown
  16. A roll on deodorant
  17. A Christmas card(?)
  18. Moisturiser
  19. A hair band
  20. A hairbrush that CSI would have a field day with
  21. A tube of Mars Black acrylic paint
  22. A paint brush
  23. A train ticket to Edinburgh
  24. Car and house keys
  25. Lip balm x 3
  26. Miscellaneous receipts
  27. What looks like a forty year old tampon.


So there’s theory and then there’s practice. Will I pack the essentials next week or will the baggage operative struggle to get my case into the hold? Watch this Myspace.


There is a certain couple of people in my Myspace friends list that went with me to Finland and will laugh their asses off when they read this. We actually managed to fit one of the students in my case…..


March 22, 2007. vacation holiday luggage trips baggage. Leave a comment.

I come with baggage….

I asked for a topic this week and my respondents have suggested a variety of things but I have decided on one. Miss Georgie has asked me to blog on packing for yer holidays and I think since I’m on the cusp of my trip to Thailand that this would be a good idea and would get me in the mood. So here goes…

Last year there was a bomb scare at Heathrow in July and thousands of pieces of luggage were lost as a result. Friends of mine (A and K) were travelling back from New Zealand at that time and to date don’t have their luggage back. Actually, they will never get their luggage back as after six weeks all unclaimed luggage is burnt. Seriously. They put everything in an incinerator! The airport staff don’t even get to rifle through it! (or do they?).

So even though Heathrow have a warehouse full of lost luggage with tags attached, it is too much to ask that they actually sort through it all and sent it back to the rightful owners? Apparently so, it’s much easier just to fling the lot on a bonfire. I’ve stopped asking A about it as he starts to whine like a wounded dog and his eyes well up with tears.

This puts everything into perspective. Never pack anything in your suitcase you can’t live without. In fact there is a lot to be said for not even having a suitcase! I’m serious!

Secondly, if you lose your luggage don’t rely on your travel insurance to foot the bill. Recently my son left his Nintendo on a plane and as soon as we hit the tarmac he realised, but they wouldn’t let us back on the plane to get it, no matter how much we pleaded. When one of the airport staff was dispatched to find it on our behalf, they came back empty handed. We put in an insurance claim complete with a police report as obviously someone had nicked it.

Two weeks later we got a letter back saying that we should have “acted as if we weren’t insured” and we had been negligent and would not be getting our Nintendo replaced. What the blazes is that all about? We didn’t reverse over the flipping thing nonchalantly in a steamroller, or deep fry it for a laugh or try to work it underwater! “Act as if we were uninsured?????” My blood is still boiling. I think I tore at the letter with my teeth growling, I was so angry.

My New Zealand pals have been asked to produce receipts for all items in their suitcases. They can’t- so they will not be getting any money from their insurers. And they call us “Rip Off Britain”…..

So in theory, I’m of the opinion that you should always travel light whenever possible and that you should always have the things you can’t live without in your hand luggage.

So let’s start with hand luggage. Essential items for my lot are:

  1. Cash
  2. Credit card
  3. Phone
  4. Baby wipes
  5. Travel docs
  6. Clean pants
  7. Contact lenses
  8. Glasses
  9. Headscarf
  10. Essential medication
  11. Travel Guide

Take all this stuff and I’m good for twenty four hours. So why can’t I apply this to my every day life? For example, you should see the state of my handbag. This is what’s actually in my handbag right now:

  1. £6.89 and a twenty cent trinidadian cent coin
  2. Credit card
  3. Debit card
  4. Photos
  5. Phone
  6. Two packs of paper hankies
  7. Heaps of makeup in a makeup bag
  8. Three emergency fallback lipsticks
  9. Copy of Grazia
  10. “Suite Francais” by Irene Nemerovsky
  11. The kittens’ identity chip registrations
  12. A toothbrush
  13. A plastic bangle that Eve got free from a Barbie magazine
  14. Five biros (one leaking)
  15. An exploded blusher that has coloured everything pinky brown
  16. A roll on deodorant
  17. A Christmas card(?)
  18. Moisturiser
  19. A hair band
  20. A hairbrush that CSI would have a field day with
  21. A tube of Mars Black acrylic paint
  22. A paint brush
  23. A train ticket to Edinburgh
  24. Car and house keys
  25. Lip balm x 3
  26. Miscellaneous receipts
  27. What looks like a forty year old tampon.


So there’s theory and then there’s practice. Will I pack the essentials next week or will the baggage operative struggle to get my case into the hold? Watch this Myspace.


There is a certain couple of people in my Myspace friends list that went with me to Finland and will laugh their asses off when they read this. We actually managed to fit one of the students in my case…..


March 22, 2007. vacation holiday luggage trips baggage. Leave a comment.

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