Caught by De Fuzz
On our first day in the Netherlands something a tad bizarre happened. We are still trying to figure it out. In an attempt to do so I am going to write this post on Top Blog Magazine’s theme of the week, “There Are Two Sides to Every Story”.
Side One: The Flying Martinis are in their car trying to find a supermarket in Hellvoetsluis, Zeeland, Holland
Misssy M: No you’ve gone right past it. You’ll need to turn around, we’re heading back to Rotterdam. Again.
Meeester (Sees opening to some facility): Here’ll do. Oh look kids, Dutch bin men. Oh look a lady bin man!
Misssy M: God you’re right! I’ve never seen a she-scaffie before!
Meester: Right, so back that way…. Oh look kids, a police car!
Misssy M: Look…. they’re checking us out….Bet they follow us.
The Flying Martinis drive off in the planned direction and right enough, the cops are have reappeared… and are behind them.
Meeester: Oh, for goodness sake!
Misssy: They’re going to stop you! Oh my God, I can’t believe it! What for?
Police car shows flashing LED sign that says, “Stop!”
Misssy (starts to laugh): This is unbelievable. We’ve not done nuthin’, copper!
Meeester: Better get my papers. Have you got the fake ones that Donald Pleasance made for us?
Misssy hands him his drivers’ licence: This should be good.
Meeester gets out of the car and goes over to the Muscley Dutch Policeman. Still in earshot, the whole conversation is heard by Misssy and the kids.
Muscley Dutch Copper: Your licence please.
(Inspects licence– both sides)
So why are you in Holland?
Misssy (to herself): We’re taking delivery of a massive bale of hash. With our two small children, caravan and holiday clothes. We may also leave a nail bomb somewhere, for a laugh. Muppet.
Meeester: We’re on holiday. Just came over from Scotland yesterday. (Winningly) Lovely place. Flat.
Muscley Dutch Copper: Where are you staying?
Misssy(to herself): In a drug den. Off our mashes on ecstacy pipes. Tis bangin’!
Meeester(smiling broadly): We’re in the T’ Weergoos Camping Site. We’ve a caravan.
Muscley Dutch Policeman: Are you having a good time?
Misssy (to herself): If we say “no” will you nick us?
Meeester: Yes, although the thunder storm last night was a bit much! (Fake laughs, winningly)
Muscley Dutch Policeman(looks over to colleague in car and nods): OK sir. You can go.
Meeester (gets back in car and looks at Misssy): What the blazes was THAT about?
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Side Two: The Dutch Muscely Policemen.
Dutch Muscley Policeman 1: I’ve been working out, can you tell? *Sigh*
I want a transfer. Hellevoetsluis is dull, dull, dull. I want to wrestle people to the ground, I want to catch bad guys, I want to do a sting. Like on telly.
Dutch Muscley Policeman2: I hear you, brother. I didn’t sign up for this either. Hey! Hey! Hey! ….Engels! Check them out! Want to fuck with their heads?
Dutch Muscley Policeman 1: Hell, yes! Can I do the siren?
Dutch Muscley Policeman2: OK, but I get to pull him over…
Dutch Muscley Policeman 1: (with heavy heart): Ohhhh Kaaaay then….
And in the words of Kurt Vonnegut….”and so it goes….”
