Eurocentrix
Internet has been out of action this weekend, which is a good thing. For one, when I am writing this blog I can take my time spell-checking it on Word and making sure I haven’t put apostrophes in the wrong place etc since I have no connection at time of writing.
As soon as I am finished writing I always have this irrational surge of urgency within me to post it up immediately, as if I am working to a deadline. I think it’s the fact that I am always rushing to meet deadlines, as a lecturer, as a freelancer that in my head my blog is the same. However, you could also argue that in those other jobs I would make absolutely sure that all my eyes are crossed and my teas are dotted. Why not the blog?
Any way since I broke the internet connection (yes, John, thanks for not blaming me, but I think we both know that I did it) I can take my time over it and not post it a gazillion times as I re-edit it online, over the space of a five minute period after it has gone up.
Another reason it’s been good that the Internet has been down, is that it would only have stolen time away from actual money paying deadlines I had this weekend….. and my Eurovision soiree.
We usually watch Eurovision with friends but this is the first year we have dressed up for the event. I can’t believe that we haven’t thought of it before. Normally we have only done a £1 sweeper and had a special award for the most politically incorrect statement or comment of the night; “The Order of the Golly”TM.
I have a 32-year-old Gollywog that my Great Aunt Peggy gave me when that sort of thing was still “OK”. There’s no way I am ever going to throw it out. I want my descendants to see it in the future and marvel that such a thing existed. Anyway, whoever wins the “Order of the Golly” TM gets presented with the little fella at the end of the night. 9 years ago, a week after Indy was born, we had to watch Eurovision on our own as we were too frightened to go out the house. So we sent the Golly over to my sister’s flat in a taxi. By himself. He’s a generous tipper, apparently.
Back to the dressing up though. What a great idea! It was hilarious and I reckon that me and my brother in law could have actually gone on stage as our Belarussian alter egos, “Vagine and Fallico”, performed our song, “Running with the Wolves” and convinced everyone of our authenticity. We might have even won! Here we are in all our Eastern European Spandex and silver lame glory.
There were no rules to the night. It was simply; dress up as a Eurovision entrant, select your country and only use clothes you already own. Yes, I own those clothes, but can I just point out that I have NEVER worn them altogether ‘til now. I also own those shoes but they were for a Halloween costume, honest. The hair on both of us, is also real. Sadly.
Here’s John and Indy as the Greek entry.
And here’s John later when he decided to double his chances and represent Austria as a techno act.
I won’t put anyone else up as they were brave enough to drive to my house in the costumes, but never agreed to the WWW seeing them.
Further excellence ensued as I won the sweeper having picked the Ukraine out of the hat! No-one had chosen this year’s token Sapphic entry, Serbia, so I won by default. If you didn’t see them, I know you’re thinking Tatu. Think again, my friend. Here she is…
Serbia Wins!(More Borscht, vodka and pig trotters for Wogan again next year..)
I could blog all night about Eurovision (and I believe some people have) but I’m just going to distil my other highlights into a wee list, as I’m babysitting in half an hour for baby Spongebob, and she’s mobile these days.
1. UK entry Skooch were bloody awful. That dark haired one was on the verge of tears every time he was on camera. Was he Nervous? Embarrassed? Constipated? Ecstatic? Humiliated? Will we ever hear from them again? Not unless you are going to be frequenting any downmarket gay clubs in the near future, you won’t.
2. I love the way your taste resets when you are watching Eurovision. Every song is utter shit, that’s a given. But you start to say things like “That was good…” “I enjoyed that…” and “Finland’s entry was amazzinggg” Wine may have something to do with that.
3. Can I have Terry Wogan to live with me?
4. It took 3 goes with oily “Eye makeup remover” to get that blue eyeliner and eyeshadow off my face.
5. My champions, Ukraine had Sue Pollard as their lead “singer”. I wondered what she was up to these days.
Sue Pollard, Living the Ukrainian Dream since 1991
6. Worst of the night was Ireland. Remember that fantastic episode of Father ted, where they let Dougal and Ted win “Song for Ireland” with “My lovely Horse” because it was so bad that they were guaranteed not to win, thus saving Ireland a fortune in hosting the event. Well, this was worse. Brought tears to the eyes of anyone with ears.
7. Wasn’t that Lordi video at the start AMMMAAAZZZINNNGGG? It made me pine for the fjords.
