Gloating the night away!
A lot of you may hate me from this point forward. But I’m going to do it anyway
Woooooooooh Hoooooo! School’s Out for Summer! SIX WEEKS! Get In!
Don’t expect me to apologise. In fact I am going to justify why I and the other teachers and lecturers of this country are defiantly not going to apologise for our six weeks.*
1. Two degrees we need. Count ‘em! Two! Doctors and lawyers only need one and they get paid shitloads and people make TV shows about them that make what they do look cool. What do we get? “Grange Hill”? “Teachers”?
2. We are to blame for everything apparently.
“Oh I’ve got a shit life because the teachers at school didn’t like me!”.
Oh, dry your eyes! You were probably a horrible little shit. Your workmates probably hate you too.
“It’s the fault of the schools that our children have no respect anymore and rampage through the town at night with their pants on their heads and scare grannies!”
Thanks Daily Express, love your work.
3. The pay’s not magic, to be honest. I refer you to the two degrees again. Costly business that, getting two degrees. In Europe our French and German counterparts get nearly twice what we’re on. Education is valued over there.
No, really valued, not just by some muppet saying the word “Education” three times in a speech and calling it a policy. By actually valuing those that choose to do it for a living. With actual cash.
4. People are horrible about teachers. We’ve a lot of stick to put up with. First off, we get criticised for our career choice.
That “ Those who can’t do, teach” phrase. That’s absolutely horrible! Who the blazes came up with that? I want to drive to their house, with a dog turd in a paper bag, then set it on fire on their doorstep, ring the doorbell and run away.
Then sit in my car laughing at them when they come to the door and stamp the fire out with their slippered feet. Not that I’ve ever done that before, you understand.**
So anyone who knows the originator of that gem, let me know.
5. Every five minutes we have to completely change everything we do, because some vote-whore somewhere decides we must “change” because we’re shit.
Like the whole reading thing. Some smarty pants reads an article on the train to his dirty weekend away with his parliamentary diary secretary and decides that using phonics to each kids how to read was crap.*
“We must change it, it’s crap. Never mind the fact that children have been learning to read this way for decades. Never mind the fact that the teachers are in opposition (whinging bastards). I declare Phonics outdated as children now are completely different than children then. It’s a Darwinian thing. Well known scientific fact. Read it in “Razzle” on the train to my dirty weekend away with my horse-faced secretary ”
Ten years later kids can’t read properly.
“It’s the fault of the teachers. They are quite clearly crap!”
And then, quietly, “Let’s sneak phonics back in when nobody’s looking …shhhh! If anyone notices it we’ll blame it on the opposition…or even better, the teachers”
So six weeks of WELL EARNED time away from teaching your kids and making sure they can all do important stuff by the time they are spat out into the big bad world. Don’t begrudge us a wee bit of a rest. Those hols and sharing our working hours with the funniest, liveliest, most important people out there are the only perks we get!
Let the barrage begin in the comments box!
* Yes, yes, I know you all work hard too, but them’s the breaks!
** It wasn’t me that was a deliquent, it’s cos I had bad schooling.
*** They never got rid of phonics in Scotland. We can’t play football but, boy can we still read!
