Teenage Kicks
I have found a wonderful piece of Misssy history in the basement. Wonderful yet embarrassing.
From about the age of fourteen I kept a A4 lined sheet of paper on which I would record my Top Ten Men. I maintained it for about six years. It is comedy gold.
Some of the entries make me wonder what the blazes I was on.
Like in 1983, Nick Rhodes from Duran Duran set the adolescent Misssy heart racing. But Nick Rhodes is practically a lady-boy, so I don’t get that. This information would add fuel to the flames of the growing theory my token gay mate, Mr McC, has about me being a closet lesbian (in a see-though attempt to get me to give up my husband). His theory is based on me admitting I practised a kiss on my mate G at 12 and that I cried at “Brokeback Mountain”. Me being in love with someone who looked like Toyah would delight him.
The next year I seem to come to my senses and promote John Taylor from Duran Duran to the top of the league relegating Nick to 7th place. Much better. Any 15 year old girl not in love with John Taylor at that time would really need to be taken to a doctor to get checked out.
Oooh even now…even now…
A constant throughout is Sting, yet these days I feel able to lambast the former object of my affection on Celebrity Litigation (my other, funnier blog) with ease. It’s taken me this long to realise Sting is an arse. Still, drummer Stewart Copeland seems to always feature in the lists too, and I still would.
But just look at him in the seventies, he wasn’t an arse yet!
I have a fleeting two year dalliance with Dave Gahan from Depeche Mode and then the year after I’m all about the Smiths with Morrissey and Johnny Marr tussling over me in the top two.
This is about the time I started going to gigs and my lust coincides with going to see Depeche Mode and the Smiths live, I reckon. I tell you, that Dave Gahan might have been a smackhead but boy can that man move.
Dave regretting not running off with the sixteen year old Missy when he had the chance
Moving onto the University years I’m all excited about the more dangerous type with Anthony Keidis from the Chilli Peppers, Ian Astbury from the Cult and Peter Murphy from Bauhaus all featuring. But there’s a surprise entry from Robert Smith of The Cure who I must say I would definitely laugh at naked, so I can only assume I wrote that entry drunk.
But naked?
However one person who wasn’t on the list was my first love who featured in my dreams much earlier in my life; Donny Osmond. He was on telly last night being interviewed by Piers Morgan. I wonder how many other women of my age tuned in last night?
Sigh!
A phenomenon in his day, but imagine trying to market the young Donny to today’s teens?
Faceless music industry type: “OK sell this kid to me”
Donny’s Manager: “Well, he’s a teenager, former child star, worked in variety, doesn’t drink, lives with his parents, doesn’t believe in sex before marriage, has a variety show with his kid sister, is a Mormon…Hello, hello are you still there? Hello?”
Mind you I went all funny last night when they played a wee snippet with him leaping about to “Crazy Horses”. Much to the delight of Meeester who took the piss out of me in the same way he probably did his sisters back in the day.
Still it could have been worse, I could have been born five years later like my sister, who has to own up to having posters of Shakin’ Stevens all over her bedroom…
You’re not going to live that down, are you? Well not if I’ve got anything to do with it.
Shaky: Wrong…just plain wrong 
