Shooting at a scared cow with grenade launcher
Warning: some of you might object to some of my views. But I must rant, it’s my blog and if you don’t like it I’ll take it home with me. So nahnahnahnahnah!
God, I’m a miserable old bugger but I can’t STAND Comic Relief. I wish they’d just make us all just pay a straight Direct Debit into a Comic Relief Stealth Tax bank account and spare us the bad telly. I don’t know if this idea is something that would get me any votes in a general election but I think if we had a special secret ballot on this single issue we’d be looking at a landslide.
OR we could put on re-runs of Dad’s Army the whole night and just put a telephone number at the bottom and then we might have a chance of a laugh or two whilst some cash gets raised.
There’s so much I don’t like about it and other nights like this (Children in Need et al). Can I list them (it’s a while since I did a list, I’m getting withdrawals)?
- By just appearing in a sketch show Big Stars think they make it funny- eg. tonight Sting’s on the Vicar of Dibley, Tony Bloody Blair is in “Catherine Tate” and Kate Moss is in “Little Britain”.
None of these people are known for their comic timing, much less for having a sense of humour. So a gormless A-lister just standing there while Dawn French mugs is top comedy? No it isn’t- Am I laughing? Are you?
- Bloody Kate Thornton is on it. What the blazes has that nasty little peroxide Pekingnese got to do with comedy (ditto, Fearne Cotton)? Were there no funny women for the presenting jobs?
It was wishful thinking to believe that Thornton had been sacked from all telly but somehow my brain thought that. When she appeared on screen I nearly telephoned Ofcom to complain. Sorry folks, she just got binned from the X-Factor. She is the most insincere woman on telly. Even La Hurley looks deep and caring next to her. A natural charidee night host.
- The guilt trip bits. This is where celebs go and cry in front of dying AIDS victims and try to look humble whilst not really doing much or staying long. Ricky Gervais is at it this year. He has as much compassion as an NHS doctor’s surgery receptionist. False and excruciating! You can practically smell the disinfectant the celeb has been doused in before and after…
- Celebs are the most coked up, narcissistic, self centred bunch of low-life brats. They couldn’t give a shit about folk in wheelchairs, poor kids or victims of famine.
Tomorrow most of them will be hosting corporate do-s for obscene amounts of money, or spending between them the combined total of all Comic Relief money raised in the Boutiques of Notting Hill or
Sloane Square. I remember hearing Jonathan Ross banging on about how he couldn’t be arsed with the whole thing and found it tedious and that each year he’d hosted, he hadn’t donated a single penny. This was on his radio show. I went right off him, but believed his every word. The bastards will pile on the guilt trip to us overdrafted- to-hell-and-back punters though, won’t they?
- The way they make you wait hours for the “comedy” bits. If you sit on your bum in front of all the dull stuff they’ll reward you with a clip of a sitcom you don’t even watch normally but it’s got Jude Law guesting. In between stints of banging which ever PA he’s been assigned for the evening and inhaling Colombia’s biggest export.
- The way you can’t even escape it by going out to the pub because people are out there with curly wigs and buckets being even less funny than Lenny Henry (no mean feat). Best just stay in and get the use out of the DVD, play cards or write a ranty blog that no-one will read as it’s Friday night and everyone’s out getting hammered and being harassed by folk with buckets and face paint.
If you want to give, give to Christian Aid, or Medicin Sans Frontier or the Red Cross- they just take your cash and use it to look after people. Full stop.
Not a Sting in sight.
Shooting at a scared cow with grenade launcher
Warning: some of you might object to some of my views. But I must rant, it’s my blog and if you don’t like it I’ll take it home with me. So nahnahnahnahnah!
God, I’m a miserable old bugger but I can’t STAND Comic Relief. I wish they’d just make us all just pay a straight Direct Debit into a Comic Relief Stealth Tax bank account and spare us the bad telly. I don’t know if this idea is something that would get me any votes in a general election but I think if we had a special secret ballot on this single issue we’d be looking at a landslide.
OR we could put on re-runs of Dad’s Army the whole night and just put a telephone number at the bottom and then we might have a chance of a laugh or two whilst some cash gets raised.
There’s so much I don’t like about it and other nights like this (Children in Need et al). Can I list them (it’s a while since I did a list, I’m getting withdrawals)?
- By just appearing in a sketch show Big Stars think they make it funny- eg. tonight Sting’s on the Vicar of Dibley, Tony Bloody Blair is in “Catherine Tate” and Kate Moss is in “Little Britain”.
None of these people are known for their comic timing, much less for having a sense of humour. So a gormless A-lister just standing there while Dawn French mugs is top comedy? No it isn’t- Am I laughing? Are you?
- Bloody Kate Thornton is on it. What the blazes has that nasty little peroxide Pekingnese got to do with comedy (ditto, Fearne Cotton)? Were there no funny women for the presenting jobs?
It was wishful thinking to believe that Thornton had been sacked from all telly but somehow my brain thought that. When she appeared on screen I nearly telephoned Ofcom to complain. Sorry folks, she just got binned from the X-Factor. She is the most insincere woman on telly. Even La Hurley looks deep and caring next to her. A natural charidee night host.
- The guilt trip bits. This is where celebs go and cry in front of dying AIDS victims and try to look humble whilst not really doing much or staying long. Ricky Gervais is at it this year. He has as much compassion as an NHS doctor’s surgery receptionist. False and excruciating! You can practically smell the disinfectant the celeb has been doused in before and after…
- Celebs are the most coked up, narcissistic, self centred bunch of low-life brats. They couldn’t give a shit about folk in wheelchairs, poor kids or victims of famine.
Tomorrow most of them will be hosting corporate do-s for obscene amounts of money, or spending between them the combined total of all Comic Relief money raised in the Boutiques of Notting Hill or
Sloane Square. I remember hearing Jonathan Ross banging on about how he couldn’t be arsed with the whole thing and found it tedious and that each year he’d hosted, he hadn’t donated a single penny. This was on his radio show. I went right off him, but believed his every word. The bastards will pile on the guilt trip to us overdrafted- to-hell-and-back punters though, won’t they?
- The way they make you wait hours for the “comedy” bits. If you sit on your bum in front of all the dull stuff they’ll reward you with a clip of a sitcom you don’t even watch normally but it’s got Jude Law guesting. In between stints of banging which ever PA he’s been assigned for the evening and inhaling Colombia’s biggest export.
- The way you can’t even escape it by going out to the pub because people are out there with curly wigs and buckets being even less funny than Lenny Henry (no mean feat). Best just stay in and get the use out of the DVD, play cards or write a ranty blog that no-one will read as it’s Friday night and everyone’s out getting hammered and being harassed by folk with buckets and face paint.
If you want to give, give to Christian Aid, or Medicin Sans Frontier or the Red Cross- they just take your cash and use it to look after people. Full stop.
Not a Sting in sight.
