I Remember You
Hmmm…awkward!There are entire TV series, books, whole newspapers, and certainly billions of blogs devoted to people ranting and raving about things that drive them up the wall. I tend to rant off stage rather than putting it all on record here, but the other day something that really does my head in happened.
Someone didn’t remember me when I remembered them.
I won’t go into detail, but this person should have remembered me. I directed him in a programme, for a few weeks, only three years ago. I think it’s acceptable that I should in saying, “Hello, how are you doing?” be in receipt of a “Hi, fine, nice to see you! How are you?” instead of a “Oh, now how do I know you???” quizzical stare and a bumbled attempt to place me, even after I’ve explained who I am in relation to them. I don’t particularly find it embarrassing and I don’t find it a blow to my ego- I just find it rude. If I remember you, you should remember me. It’s as simple as that.
Maybe it’s my peculiar problem because I always do remember people. I might not always remember names but I never forget anyone I’ve met. I just don’t. OK I can also remember a ridiculously unimportant amount of film trivia and plotlines from Coronation Street, but I don’t think I’m that unusual. I’m not exactly a circus freak.
It’s also not that I image change every five minutes like David Bowie, and I haven’t dramatically aged backwards like Benjamin Button. I have had the same hairstyle since time in memoriam and may even be wearing the same boots and clothes you saw me in ten years ago. Flares have been my jeans of choice since 1987. I haven’t even flirted with slimfit. There’s no excuse.
SO, if you get caught not remembering someone here’s my handy tips in not letting it show:
1. Pretend you do. “Hi, my goodness! How are you? Great to see you!” That works.
2. Smile instead of looking like someone has just whacked you on the cheeks with a three day old fish.
3.Ask enthusiastic questions the answers to which may give you clues but won’t look like that’s what you are doing “Wow, you’re looking great! So what are you doing now?”, or, “Gosh, when would we last have seen each other? Let me think…ages ago!”
Never say:
“Christ! Who are the blazes are you?”
“Nah, still not placing you…”
“Should I know you?”
“I’m sorry, I meet so many people…..”
“Did we…did we…you know?
“Help! Security!”
All of those make you look like an arse. And contrary to newspaper reports last week that medication and surgery may soon be developed that can help erase painful memories, the science isn’t there yet. So don’t try the old, “Sorry, I had brain surgery that help remove painful memories and you must have got wiped as part of that”. No one’s falling for that old chestnut.
So there it is. It’s right up there in the pantheon of Things That Annoy Misssy, along with litter dropping, not indicating, incorrect use of apostrophes and using the F Word as a gap filling tool in sentences.
People forgetting you. It’s rude. Make an effort.
Otherwise, forget about it.
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Letter to an Unknown Schoolteacher
I feel that it is only right that I write to you so that you know what kind of behaviour to expect from me over the coming year as parent of one of your new pupils. That way we both know where we stand.
I will probably humour the first of these, mainly for fear of showing my kid up when they are the only one in class whose Mum hasn’t bothered. Pretty soon however I will be burning these forms in the fire chanting, “Stop fleecing me and my kids, you crazy bastards!”. Seriously though, two sponsorship forms in a week?? You’re flipping kidding me!
Advertising through my child
I appreciate that schools need to make extra cash at certain points but please do not take my daughter to a book fair and write me a note 4 weeks before Christmas telling me that Junior Misssy “has expressed an interest in the following books”. Do you not realise that Junior Missy is now expecting, nay demanding said books. And not for Christmas neither. NOW! Do you not know anything about four year olds? And on a final note. What the blazes was the deal with two dressing up days within two weeks? Don’t you know that I wont read the notes warning me about them and will have a child standing in front of me at 8.30am screaming, “Mum it’s dress up day today, you need to make me a costume NOW!” Other than that, totally loving your work, Misssy M
