Fairly Bobbins
Sometimes I do not fit into the established mould of a Mum. There are things I do and things I do not do. My kids do seem to like me though, so I figure I’m doing OK so far.
However, I am being called to conform slightly. It is Junior Misssy’s 5th birthday in three weeks and she is angling for a party. And when I say angling, what I really mean is she’s spearheading a saturation PR campaign worthy of Hilary, Obama and McCain put together.
I swear she’s got spin doctors in her pay.
This last night:
“Mummy, have you noticed, you’ve not had to give me a row all day?”
I swear she’s got a campaign tune as well. She loves the Flight of the Conchords* and has been parodying the delightful “Cheer up Murray” at any given opportunity for our entertainment, replacing Murray’s name with family members names as appropriate.
I love that little beast, it goes without saying, but I hate kids parties. I hate being invited to them, I hate having to RSVP to invites for them, I hate having to buy trash presents in order to go to them. I hate they way Junior Misssy seems to be invited to one every bloody weekend.
But most of all I hate being coerced into holding one.
Reasons? Oh you want REASONS? I’ll give you REASONS!
1. Other people’s kids bug me. OK I like my friends’ kids and my nieces but other than that, they’re a bunch of unreasonable minibeasts.
2. I will have to tidy my house to showroom standards to pass the examining eyes of other mums who will cruelly judge me, if I appear slattern in any way.
3. My tidiest-it’s-ever-been-house will need rebuilt 30 minutes into the party.
4. Everyone will bring presents that will fill Junior Missy’s little bedroom to bursting. She’ll get far too much and when I try and siphon some off to charity shops or recycle them etc, she’ll notice. (This disdain excludes Boden and White Company offerings…please note).
5. Someone will buy her something horrifically messy, noisy, or requiring parental participation.
6. I have no small talk capabilities for the sea of mums that will appear at my door. I’ll have to pretend to be normal somehow. Some suggestions for key phrases I could use are greatly appreciated. There’s even the possibility that some of the clingier, fretful mums will stay for the duration. Aaargh! **
7. It’s not form to have alcohol at a kid’s party.
8. I will have to think of some party games to keep them from trashing the house, but on the day you can bet I’ll have forgotten to buy prizes and will have to run to the corner shop to buy a gazillion crème eggs during pass the parcel. I just have to hope nobody notices and keeps passing til I get back.
9. At least one kid will cry and it’s not really on to shove them out in the garden until they’ve stopped.
10. I’ll have to do really uncharacteristically organised things like, making invitations, sending invitations, sending thank you notes and remembering I’ve organised a party and not go out that day by mistake.
11. Junior Missy will have such a great time, she’ll want another one next year.
* Yes yes, she’s only five and I know there are some choice lyrics in there. Can I help it if my kids prefer “Flight of the Conchords”, My Name is Earl” and the “Mighty Boosh” to “In the Night Garden” and “Lazytown”?
** Maybe mums that have read this blog and are concerned about their child’s wellbeing
