Devil in a green dress
The things we’ll do for cash…
The other day a couple of my graduates popped into see me in college fro a cup of tea and a chat about their work experience in London (they are now both at Uni….so proud!) Of course now that they’ve had a taste of TV work the two of them are hooked and can’t wait to get stuck in for real. One of them was at a production company for six weeks and during that time he pretty much had to turn his hand to anything. Now this company produced a lot of stuff, for a lot of different people- from MTV to FHM to certain Adult Channels. Well, someone’s got to make it happen, I suppose. Anyway as the work experience guy my student found himself manning the reception one week to the next week having to do a photo shoot of a wide range of sex toys. All this unpaid!
But at the end of it all he’s been offered freelance work once he graduates, so the payoff is there. So next time he has to photograph a dildo, at least he’ll be in it for the money. So it started me thinking about my first jobs, and stuff I’ve done working for the man. A list. There are a few but one thing sticks in my mind.
I once dressed as a Southern Belle (Gone with the Wind Style) outside a New Orleans restaurant to promote it and hand out flyers . There’s a least one photo in existence to prove. Will try and track it down and add it if I find it.
The Tricou House was a restaurant/bar/nightclub in Bourbon Street that me and my mate worked in for 3 months (shhh…illegally). If you worked the bar or restaurant you got paid $1 an hour but got tips. If you “worked the dress” as it was termed, you got $7 an hour but no prospect of tips, only people annoying you/sexually harassing you/wanting their photo taken with you/feeling sorry for you. However, when the bar was slow (mostly during the week) there was not much chance of tips and the there was no way I was working for 7 hours at $1 an hour.
Two dresses to choose from- one red, one apple green. Both stank of B.O. I’d like to think that some poor lassie is standing outside the Tricou House now with that green dress on (I favoured the green) and there’s still some Gill sweat in the pits, cos I’m sure the buggers haven’t had them dry cleaned since 1990, when I wore it. One thing’s for sure, Scarlett O’Hara would NOT have pulled Rhett Butler in either of them.
I could have avoided the dress completely and worked the restaurant for big money but I was shit at it. You see, waitering in the US is harder, as people expect a better level of service than the UK and also the waiters were very territorial and would openly try to sabotage you if you got a potentially good tipping table. According to the waiters (all black ghetto New Orleans lads to a man) the tippers ranked thus:
1. American Christian Whites- tip well ( a combination of feeling guilty about slavery and wanting rub their comparative wealth in your face)
2. American Jews- tip ok but only if you’ve absolutely busted your hump and everything was faultless in the extreme. Often complain about the quality of the food, and then the small portions (Copyright: Woody Allen)
3. Europeans (and they don’t include the Brits in that)-Always tip but not enough.
4. British- sometimes tip but not nearly enough.
5.American Blacks- don’t tip at all or tip next to nothing- to be avoided. The waiters (also black, remember) would do anything to avoid serving a table of blacks or be openly disappointed if allocated one.
6. Australians- you could juggle their dinner plates, bring them their meals in double quick time, shower them with witty banter, shovel the food into their mouths for them and wipe the corners of their mouths after and you WILL NEVER BE TIPPED. Oh and if you’re Scottish they’ll take the piss out of you accent for good measure. ( I found that out myself)
7. A special mention for fat people of all races. Difficult to tell if they’ll tip but one thing’s for sure the fatties are there for the “All you can eat soft-shell crab and shrimp for $15″ and you’re going to be running back and forth to that kitchen for re-fills all night and they aren’t going to move from that table until they go blind or pass out. You’re stuck with them for the night. The waiters called them “Salads” which is an abbreviation for “salad dodgers”, I believe. Bizarre thing, they always order a diet drink…mmmmm…
So, all over the world there are holiday snaps of people with their arm round a Scottish fake Southern Belle outside a restaurant in New Orleans. It would be hilarious to see them all, but an impossible task, I know. But there are HUNDREDS of them.
Oh, I also had a frilled brolly but I wasn’t allowed to use it as a weapon. And strangely for New Orleans they wouldn’t let me carry a gun.
More nonsense as it occurs…..
Devil in a green dress
The things we’ll do for cash…
The other day a couple of my graduates popped into see me in college fro a cup of tea and a chat about their work experience in London (they are now both at Uni….so proud!) Of course now that they’ve had a taste of TV work the two of them are hooked and can’t wait to get stuck in for real. One of them was at a production company for six weeks and during that time he pretty much had to turn his hand to anything. Now this company produced a lot of stuff, for a lot of different people- from MTV to FHM to certain Adult Channels. Well, someone’s got to make it happen, I suppose. Anyway as the work experience guy my student found himself manning the reception one week to the next week having to do a photo shoot of a wide range of sex toys. All this unpaid!
But at the end of it all he’s been offered freelance work once he graduates, so the payoff is there. So next time he has to photograph a dildo, at least he’ll be in it for the money. So it started me thinking about my first jobs, and stuff I’ve done working for the man. A list. There are a few but one thing sticks in my mind.
I once dressed as a Southern Belle (Gone with the Wind Style) outside a New Orleans restaurant to promote it and hand out flyers . There’s a least one photo in existence to prove. Will try and track it down and add it if I find it.
The Tricou House was a restaurant/bar/nightclub in Bourbon Street that me and my mate worked in for 3 months (shhh…illegally). If you worked the bar or restaurant you got paid $1 an hour but got tips. If you “worked the dress” as it was termed, you got $7 an hour but no prospect of tips, only people annoying you/sexually harassing you/wanting their photo taken with you/feeling sorry for you. However, when the bar was slow (mostly during the week) there was not much chance of tips and the there was no way I was working for 7 hours at $1 an hour.
Two dresses to choose from- one red, one apple green. Both stank of B.O. I’d like to think that some poor lassie is standing outside the Tricou House now with that green dress on (I favoured the green) and there’s still some Gill sweat in the pits, cos I’m sure the buggers haven’t had them dry cleaned since 1990, when I wore it. One thing’s for sure, Scarlett O’Hara would NOT have pulled Rhett Butler in either of them.
I could have avoided the dress completely and worked the restaurant for big money but I was shit at it. You see, waitering in the US is harder, as people expect a better level of service than the UK and also the waiters were very territorial and would openly try to sabotage you if you got a potentially good tipping table. According to the waiters (all black ghetto New Orleans lads to a man) the tippers ranked thus:
1. American Christian Whites- tip well ( a combination of feeling guilty about slavery and wanting rub their comparative wealth in your face)
2. American Jews- tip ok but only if you’ve absolutely busted your hump and everything was faultless in the extreme. Often complain about the quality of the food, and then the small portions (Copyright: Woody Allen)
3. Europeans (and they don’t include the Brits in that)-Always tip but not enough.
4. British- sometimes tip but not nearly enough.
5.American Blacks- don’t tip at all or tip next to nothing- to be avoided. The waiters (also black, remember) would do anything to avoid serving a table of blacks or be openly disappointed if allocated one.
6. Australians- you could juggle their dinner plates, bring them their meals in double quick time, shower them with witty banter, shovel the food into their mouths for them and wipe the corners of their mouths after and you WILL NEVER BE TIPPED. Oh and if you’re Scottish they’ll take the piss out of you accent for good measure. ( I found that out myself)
7. A special mention for fat people of all races. Difficult to tell if they’ll tip but one thing’s for sure the fatties are there for the “All you can eat soft-shell crab and shrimp for $15″ and you’re going to be running back and forth to that kitchen for re-fills all night and they aren’t going to move from that table until they go blind or pass out. You’re stuck with them for the night. The waiters called them “Salads” which is an abbreviation for “salad dodgers”, I believe. Bizarre thing, they always order a diet drink…mmmmm…
So, all over the world there are holiday snaps of people with their arm round a Scottish fake Southern Belle outside a restaurant in New Orleans. It would be hilarious to see them all, but an impossible task, I know. But there are HUNDREDS of them.
Oh, I also had a frilled brolly but I wasn’t allowed to use it as a weapon. And strangely for New Orleans they wouldn’t let me carry a gun.
More nonsense as it occurs…..
