Roadside Cafe Rage
Anyone who has ever driven on the A90 to Aberdeen will have passed this building.
This is the Stracathro Services near Brechin. Frequented by truckers and the country’s future heart attack patients.
I don’t know how well you can see the sign but just in case you can’t read it I will display it for you here:
Ye May Gang Faur and Fare Waur
What the blue blazes does that sign mean?
For years as a kid, I would drive past with my parents and we would all go on about how never in our entire lives have we heard anything approximating this phrase. At first we put it down to being Weegies. Perhaps after a couple of years in the land of the Aberdonian Doric speaking environs we would be able to understand it. But no, it is not Doric. It is just utter pish.
We think it means this:
You May Go Far and Fare Worse.
What kind of ad is that for an eating establishment?
Let’s break it down, shall we? In fact let’s imagine we are trying to get a concrete answer from the utter moron who thought it up all those years ago.
Are we actually saying, “There’s worse food out there but you’d have to travel far to find it?” No?
So, are you saying, “Our food is so bad that worse cannot be found in the immediate vicinity?” No?
So, let me get this right, you’re then saying, “Our food is fucking terrible but there’s not another restaurant for 40 miles, so you might as well put up or shut up.” No?
So, to recap, you’re saying, “You may go far, but there’s a hell of a lot worse out there than our crap, so what the hell are you complaining about” No?
Well what are you saying then? Is it a greeting? Is it a warning? Is it a Northern Scottish version of “Bon Appetit!”?
Oh, I’m getting really annoyed just contemplating it. Nothing quite enrages Meeester and me as the sight of this building. The Flying Martinis drive up and down Glasgow a lot, to remind ourselves why we stay in Aberdeen amongst other things. Each time we pass this eyesore, we go into rant mode. Or at least we used to.
Actually, we don’t rant as much anymore, as Meeester gets so worked up about it, that he can’t vent without swearing and now we have two impressionable kids in the back, he can’t get away with it. The rants have now subsided to Meeester grimacing, a vein popping out on his temple, and the delivery of the two fingered salute in the direction of the establishment. Just to make sure we register our displeasure.
In fact, it’s a ritual. Once we went past and I didn’t see him give the Services sign the Vs.
“How remiss,” I thought.
I double checked with him, “Did you..?”
“Yes, I did it back there, quickly” he assured me.
It’s like I am checking with him that he put the kids’ seatbelts on or he switched the gas fire off before we left. If we forget to do it one time, would we have to do a U-Turn and submit our rude gesture before making our way on our planned journey? I think possibly we would.
What is it about that sign that enrages us so? I think it’s a number of things:
- It is bloody typical of that Scottish negative turn of phrase. Another example of this is:
Person A: “How are you?”
Person B: “Nae bad”
Or, worse:
Person A: “How’s it going?”
Person B: “Cannae complain”
Like it’s disappointing that they can’t complain! How gutting! What a nightmare, I can’t complain!
- It’s not a phrase! Has anyone ever been offered a sandwich at someone’s house and been cajoled into accepting it by the phrase,
“Well, ye may gang far and fare waur”.
“Oh, okay then, load me up, odd lady!”
- It is twee. I bet the tourists love it. They think we speak like that! We don’t. I feel angry and misrepresented. No wonder Gaelic is dying.
- Everyone who wonders about the sign goes in at least once to the “restaurant” (the loosest use of a word ever) to find out the answer to the riddle. They leave with amoebic dysentery. My in-laws were caught out with this not two years ago.
So can I ask you all should you ever pass the Stracathro Services, to join us in raising those two fingers aloft? And if you don’t plan on coming up this way soon, but would like to join in anyway, then scroll back to the photo at the top of the post and similarly give the place the respect it deserves.
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Stop Press: Head on over to Top Blog Magazine to read my post Paper, Pregnancy and the Princess as well as other primo stuff. It’s a little different from the usual Misssives fare. And if that doesn’t entice you over then perhaps if I say “Ye may Gang Faur fae the Misssives and Fare Waur”? Arrgghghgh!
