The Devil’s Playlist

You know that phrase, “The devil has all the best tunes”? Well, it’s rubbish.

Never mind all that Robert Johnson selling his soul at the crossroads for the gift of music stuff, the Devil does not have all the best tunes. The Devil has all the worst tunes, ready and waiting to torture you.

Some time back I mentioned the ideas of the “Devil’s Playlist” being the custom-made special mix tape that Satan has playing in your own special purgatorial waiting room. Songs that would drive you insane, and make you want to rip your own heart out and jump on it.

And he thought of it before those lads at Guantanamo.

Sadly, in my case Lucifer has quite a few to choose from. I am the sort of person who can get a little polemic about music. If I hate a song, then it’s a fervent will-have-to-run-across-a-room-to-switch-it-off kind of hatred.

So, I guess what I’m saying is that the Devil’s Playlist may be an on going series of posts. My life’s work, perhaps. That, and of course, the “European Rude Sign Compendium”* TM

Here are my first two tracks and I’m ashamed to say that they are from bands from my homeland.

Deacon Blue: Dignity

Dignity, oh how I hate you, let me count the ways.

This song was played to death throughout my time at University years. Every shop, every Uni union disco, every person’s house, there it bloody was, the faux gritty social commentary that was the story of an old man who “was gonna buy a dinghy and call it Dignity”. A lot of people love this song…for the lyrics, for the pathos, for the emotion. Apparently.

Personally, it sends me into a blind rage.

Meeester says he’s going to have it played at my funeral. Now, bless him, this isn’t quite as evil as it might at first seem. He says he’s going to play it at my funeral because if there’s been some terrible mistake and I am not in fact dead and I am in mortal danger of being buried alive, the first two bars of the song will ensure that I will burst out of my coffin, scream, “Switch that bastard song off!!! NOW!!”, jump out and smash the church sound system up with the nearest fire axe.

And if I am, in fact dead, I’ll never know anyway, and so can’t complain. He’s really only thinking of me…

And can I just say, that democratic as I like to think myself, if any of my readers post a comment that says, “Aw but I really like ‘Dignity’, Misssy! ” you will be served up some short shrift.

Wet, Wet, Wet: Love is All Around

Forget about the Troggs version, I’m not a fossil so I don’t even know the original. It’s the Wet Wet Wet version that seemed to be at Number One for the first few years of the nineties that I’m talking about.

I hated the song anyway, but wasn’t quite at the taking a chainsaw to any radio that played it stage, until Meeester’s Mum requested that Meeester sung it at her (second) wedding.

Being a big deal to his Mum and her intended, Meeester practiced and practiced. For what seemed like months. It’s apparently trickier than Marty and the boys make it look, so it echoed around the house quite a bit. And I’m ashamed to say that as the tune came forth from Meeester’s mouth, I doubted whether our marriage was strong enough to survive the ordeal.

Truth be told, Meeester’s not a fan of the song either, but well…if it’s your Mum and that’s what the lady wants then that’s what the lady shall get. By the time the service rolled around, and Meeester took to the podium for the live performance, my trigger finger was twitching like a good ‘un.

And the nightmare goes on. Guess what song Meeester’s Mum always requests at family sing song get togethers….

Everybody Now! “I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my too-ooes!”

Satan, take note.

* See my Dutch posts from July last year for details and pics

April 27, 2008. devil's playlist, music, satan. Leave a comment.