What Have I, What Have I, What Have I Done to Deserve This?
I feel like just writing a blog which goes Aaaaaarrrrghghghghhgh for about a page or so.
The problem is that although I have set my sights on that Mini Cooper, I have to do that freelance work first in order to earn the cash. I’ve done two E-Learning scripts and a Content Draft for a further script. They’ve been fine. I nearly enjoyed myself. I like writing and I like teaching so it’s been okay.
However, I’m now working on a Global Satellite Positioning module for the marine and offshore sector. No, I don‘t know what that means either and I won’t blame any of you if you stop reading now. All I can say is it makes me feel like crying. It’s too hard and whenever I go and see the client to get things explained, it makes me want to cry even more. I can’t converse in abbreviations. I don’t do numbers. I don’t do science bits. My brain switches off if a person starts acronyming me. I want to speak in English! My project manager came with me to the initial meeting and said this when we left,
“I don’t envy you”.
Bastardo.
I went for my training on the GPS on Thursday so that I can then go and write a training course, and a nice, shy, youngish bloke called R took me through the system from connecting all the spaghetti to running the damn thing. He is clearly unused to females and blushes all the way through, bless. He is also incapable of explaining things to people who live in the real world. I am quite up front.
“I know nothing of GPS, which is a good thing because I have to learn it and then explain it to other people who don’t know anything.”
But apparently R still thinks that I will understand a lot of binary and shit. He talks in Klingon or something for a good while. I screen “Some Like it Hot” in my head, to pass the time.
Every 30 seconds I use the phrase,
“So let me get this right, if I were to explain that in plain English I would say ……????”
It makes no difference.
At the moment I have a GPS system capable of connecting to a satellite and keeping a large vessel on course, in the boot of my car. R gave me it to go away with to help me. It’s probably worth thousands of pounds. I’m thinking of mounting it on the caravan. And then never coming back.
I know that in the end I will be able to write the script, but in between then and now lies a lot of swearing, possibly some tears and a lot of shouting at MeeesterMartin. I’m worried I might take a hissy fit and attack the expensive equipment with a claw hammer. The phrase “bitten off more than I can chew” and the song “What have I done to deserve this” by the Pet Shop Boys and Dusty Springfield is running on a loop through my mind.
And this is the first of two GPS scripts. The next one is to be “more indepth”.
**much sobbing**
