Airbrush Android
I am not sure what to make of this. Meeester, who is not a bad photographer has been tinkering with a Photshop-esque computer programme that is making us all too perfect. It’s called Portrait Professional.
He’s been transforming us all and sticking the results up on Facebook for our amusement. One even prompted one husband to comment on response to his wife’s enhanced photo, that it looked like the photo of the actress that would play his wife in a TV biopic. I’m unsure if she has read the comment…
So what you do is you take your photo, warts and all (see PIC. A below) literally- find the wartiest one you can. There we go….
PIC A
and…you stick it in Portrait Professional and make yourself perfect….(see PIC B) …like so.
PIC B
I am not sure what to make of it. Part of me is delighted at the result. If Cameron Diaz can live by the pockmark vanishing airbrush, then so can I. Look, no wrinkles..! Look no blemishes…! look, perfect skin a la Lloyd Cole’s muse. Champion!
“That’s how I look in my head!” I scream (even though I have a little look of a Stepford Wife, I must admit).
But then Meeester puts them side by side for comparison and the depression sets in quicker than you can shout, “Help me, Gok Wan!“.
Initial delight is quickly replaced with soul destroying discontent at the actual state of things. Nudging forty, as I am, it crystallises the bare faced fact that no amount of pento-pento-peptides with a range of antioxidant boswelox-bollox particles rammed roughly onto my epidermis by the very hands of Nadine Baggot can save me.
Further depression sets in when I realise that PIC A is the one I sent to the radio station to stick on the website a good few weeks before Meeester even discovered Portrait Professional.
In the words of plastic surgery veteran and rhinoplasty poster-girl, Cher…”if I could turn back time…”
Bugger!
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